E is for Effort

ITS Haiku : Moments with Information, Technology, and Service

Quiet mornings at MOMS station offer a time to reflect, to notice, and to ponder the delicate moments that seem to last three and a half hours.

Number One

ワール・ボークス

私の一番

大好きの

Wall Boxes,

my number one

favorite thing.

Morning

午前六時

私は起きます

日に見ません

At seven AM,

I wake up

and don’t see the sun.

Test of will

待って下さい

宿題あるんで

寝ませんでした

Hold on a second,

I have homework

and I didn’t sleep.

Do it well!

何をする

ケーブルを見らない

よくないだ

What are you doing,

You didn’t look at the cable!

That’s not good.

Bigger Rice Cakes

남의 떡이 더 커 보인다 - There’s always someone with a bigger rice cake.

The idea I was aiming for in citing this proverb was “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side”. But, simply stating that phrase sounded rather trite to me in my predisposition to elevate “foreign” wisdom above that which I’m more familiar hearing. So I fished for a different phrase to say the same thing, and found a Korean proverb that expressed a near equivalent sentiment to the one I desired to convey.

My Korean is not too hot, and if you gave me this quote cold-turkey, without a side of translation, I don’t think I could have given you a very good explanation of what it means. Yet when I read it, after seeing the translation, and telling myself I then knew what it meant, it sounded so much fresher and interesting than the equivalent expression in English.

Bigger rice cakes. What a more flavorful example than greener grass!

What do I want? Some lousy sense of control? To be the big man that can choose between taking the small or the big rice cake. To check the other side of the hill to see if the grass really is greener. And if it is, to piss there, and mark it as my own, and kill the grass in the process.

Jason GSN of KCCC shared this passage with me the other day:

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And on earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” Psalm 73:25-26

All good things are from God. What I really want must be an aspect of this good, and what I think I want must be a sinful corruption of this.

Spiritual terms sound even more foreign to be than Korean words. I can look up what “doek” means in the dictionary, but simple words alone cannot adequately explain God.

I hope to see clearly what I really want. I will believe that I truly desire to be the person God wants me to be, even if I may not realize that in this moment.

The less known seems more appealing in my trivial case of Korean and English. Can that which is beyond this world, what I know less, also draw me in this same way? Perhaps it is beginning to.

This world, as many angst-filled people have so eloquently expressed, can often appear so cliche, so trite — unattractive, etc. May the same impetus that drives me to be a lousy Koreaboo draw me to seek God’s reality. And there, I believe,  shall I find the biggest rice cakes, the greenest grass, and satisfying identity and expression.

In my incoherence, my jumbled rhetoric and failure at proper expression — I pray that the Lord’s will be done, and that I embrace that reality and become the person I ought to be. Amen.

Destined to Journey : A Response

Alex says:

1.) Seems like there’s an oversimplification from the beginning the end point, when the process to point B is part of the thrill. “Life is a journey, not a destination…” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson. 2.) Discussion about our opponent in the chess game?

I will agree for the most part with Emerson’s quote: “Life is a journey, not a destination”.  And that’s where the complexity (and beauty) of life largely comes in — in that if we can convince ourselves that life is more than simply a logistical question, it becomes far more than some stupid chess game.  Of course life isn’t just about a beginning point and an end point.  But if you’re going to take a religious stab at the subject, you pretty much must speculate on some kind of “end point” if you’re going to ponder an afterlife. 

Strategy versus tactics, or more “macro-managing” versus “micro-managing” is another way to look at this.  Moving towards the destination is the “macro managing”, but the “journey” steps in between can be the “micro managing”, sometimes taking “one step backward to move two steps forward”.  So yes, of course what was written was a simplification of an idea about the nature of things, but it didn’t claim to be anything else.  I don’t recall discussing any “thrill” either.  Meaning, I’m assuming we all have logistical “A to B” questions, and a good deal of us have questions that fall outside of those realms, and whether fulfilling short term goals, or moving closer to elusive non-logistical goals, we’ll feel some “thrill” simply by living and moving, etc.

As far as our “opponent” goes, I would have to suggest the human condition in general, especially our physical existence as being our principal opponent.  That is because, it is our mortal bodies that make things like time, disease, violence, etc. especially damaging.  I’m not going to delve into the realms of neuroscience, I’ll leave that to my brother and other smart people, but it is undeniable (as far as I know) that we are physically limited.  We’re playing chess against the clock that is our physical self.  “Life” as defined by our current physical bodies ends when our opponent leaves.  Will that opponent leave in victory or not?  Can we master our physical bodies, or will they master us?  This is highly contingent on whether or not you believe “human” transcends physical constraints.

Logistical Questions and Everything Else

There are two types of questions:  logistical questions and every other type of question. 

In our day to day dealings, we typically deal with a lot of logistical questions.  Relatively simple questions of how to get from “Point A” to “Point B”.  And from there, it is like a chess game.  Chess is not always an easy game, but overall objectives are usually pretty simple— move closer to a checkmate. 

In many cases, the answers to these questions are very simple.  Authority: “Have you done the laundry?”  You: “No, not yet.” You do the laundry. You: “Okay, now I’m done.” Laundry: “I’ll be back!” [Okay, no more using 2nd person, that sounds really dumb]

These questions can get marginally more complicated as you move to more “abstract” issues.  “Has Alan done anything today to forward his career?” In this instance, if I have a clear “Point B”, its just a matter of figuring out the right moves in the metaphorical chess game I mentioned above.  “I want to become a doctor”, means I should go look (or already have… *sigh*?!) an internship.  “I want to become a politician” means I should go shake some hands and tell some lies (just kidding, or NOT?)

Of course, there are exceedingly complicated logistical questions.  Take the president’s job for example.  “Fix the economy” — I’m sure the president could think of an economic state better than our nation’s current one.  That’s a clear “Point B”.  Of course, its an extremely hard chess game to play to get our nation from “Point A” to “Point B” in this instance. 

Some of the more interesting issues are questions of what is “Point B”?  Meaning, what is it that we’re even striving for, or should do?  When “Point B” isn’t clear, it becomes more and more difficult to work towards.

Try, “I want to be the best person I can be”.  This, to me at least, is much more complicated than “I want to be a good student”.  Or try, “I want to be the best friend I can to X”.  What is the “Point B” — is there a picture you can form in your head of you and X optimally in a great friendship?  For me, typically “no”.  For others, maybe “yes”.

How do we go about living with questions of “what is ‘Point B’”?  For me, the answer has typically involved in “defaulting” and waiting for answers, while trying to do what I thought was conservative in that it kept as many “doors open” as possible.  Don’t know what to do with a career?  Try science, get good grades, and you’ll leave pretty much all other doors open still?  Correct?  Maybe partially.  Or “if I am to try to be a ‘good person’, how should I allot the attention and love I have the time to give to those around me?  Simply to those I take a liking to?  Solely based on circumstance?”, etc. etc.

Now, there are sometimes “obvious” things that should be avoided or should be done.  I don’t like comparing life to a chess game, but I’ll do it anyways.  Suppose “Point B” is the final position in which you have a checkmate.  You don’t “see” a clear picture of “Point B” unless you’re really good at Chess, but you know that you want a checkmate prior to victory.  Yet that does not inhibit an average player from taking steps towards the elusive idea of victory while not having a clear idea in mind of what exactly victory looks like. 

The implications of this are such:  in a chess game, even if you don’t know what your “victory” will look like, you can take clear steps towards being closer to that state — even if it starts in conservatism.  Don’t let a pawn kill your queen unless you’re absolutely certain what you’re doing.  Don’t ruin your opportunity to castle, unless of course, you are absolutely certain what you’re doing.  There are certainly things that a player most certainly shouldn’t do.  There are also many things a player should do.  A player should increase mobility.  A piece with great offensive potential locked away in some corner, for example, doesn’t do much good if it isn’t in a key defensive position.  Open doors!

Do I have an idea of a checkmate in my life?  Something I can’t see a picture of, but that I know I want to move in the general direction of?  Sure, I want to be the “best person” I can be.  I want to defeat that villain known as “myself” (Aikido philosophy! : “True victory is victory over oneself”).  “Success” is not necessarily contingent on a clear picture of victory scenario.

Hopefully, my over simplification of life as a chess game provided some insight upon that which is either correct, or my arguments seemed so bull-shitted that you have a clearer idea of what is incorrect (namely what I wrote D:).  In any case, the “application” of this whole thing is as follows: If you have a clear question of how to get from “Point A” to “Point B”, do the stuff you have to do, talk to somebody that does.  If its a physically impossible goal or something, don’t expect anything, “expectation is the root of all heartache”.  But if it isn’t, do what makes sense to do.  If you do not have a logistical question, that is, you have a “What is ‘Point B’” question, or something similar, realize that you don’t necessarily have to have a clear picture of “Point B” to move in the direction of it.

So there you have it!  A 19 yr. old kid who probably hasn’t ever amounted to anything useful telling you how to live your life.  I will try to think of a clever aphorism to summarize what I tried to explain above:

“He who ignores the stairs to achievement, the steps clearly laid out in front of him, stares at disappointment”

“In looking for direction, you have already chosen one”

Please comment, etc.!

They say a picture can speak a thousand words. A skilled poet can paint a picture in just a few.

Things I don’t understand

I’m not talking about Biology and Chemistry, I’m talking about certain states of mind, certain experiences, people (myself included). […Okay maybe you can argue that state of mind has everything to do with Biology and Chemistry, but I’m no Neuro-sci expert >.<]

I’m not talking about Chinese (hopefully I’ll understand soon —>:D), I’m talking about the limitations or lack of limitations of language in general — the power of metaphor, the conotations of a single word, the joy of PUN…

I’m not talking about how to make money or do anything practical, I’m talking about where it is, why it is there.

Most of the time, I think its far harder to understand what you SHOULD do, rather than what you SHOULDN’T do.  Which people should I work towards pleasing the most?  Friends? Family? Self?  And by pleasing, that doesn’t mean brown-nosing etc.etc., that can mean having a successful career to make me appear happy so they are happy that I appear happy.  Does that mean raising a family, putting all sorts of effort into X number of family members rather than into the people that already exist and are in probably greater need?  Is it selfish to start a family in this age?  If I want to serve my parents, they would love a family.  If I want to serve the collective world, already resources are already being consumed.  What SHOULD be done.  What SHOULDN’T be done.  Is it strange to consider that it may be unethical to want to/not want to have a family?  What are we even supposed to do?

Currently, my favorite novel is The Brothers Karamazov. And the answer provided by this book is to live with “active love”.  That’s very Biblical too.  If love is indeed endless if from God, that means we have enough to pour around everywhere.  But in my practical day-to-day living, how do I decide where to allocate it?  Is the answer not to think about that, but just try to treat those around you as best as possible?  What about seeking out and choosing people to whom you wish to show more attention than others?  How do we know what we should do? 

I pray for Wisdom.  Is Wisdom more questions?

Practically Pursuing Paradise

Pragmatism, pre-professional emphasis, etc. — not at all bad things necessarily.  But most definitely potential stumbling blocks in both the long run and the short run in pursuing what many people would call important.  Let’s start with the most familiar:

Stating that “money cannot buy happiness” seems cliche (almost as cliche as the phrase “seems cliche” does… irony!), but the statement is restated for good reason.  Good food is only as good as good company, and loneliness can even make the best ice cream taste bitter.  That brings in another topic of discussion, which I’ll save for another time, which is the great comfort a belief in God can offer, in that in a proper relationship (which I will not claim to have at all), loneliness should be overcome… but I digress, another discussion for another time.

As a college student (and as a high school student before that), many hours have been poured into studying.  Not always my favorite topics, but most usually things I could easily find at least some value in.  It would be a lie to say I took classes with only an interest of subject matter in mind — of course I think about the practical implications of certain classes. 

But consider this!  If all goes well, you’re going to want to keep your wife longer (assuming you plan to retire at some point) than your career.  So would it not be more practical to spend your college days looking for the perfect wife, an investment in a longer future, than in career pushing?  Or do both simultaneously, by a wonderful, hard-working person in a field like the Life Sciences or Chemistry. 

That sounds horribly dehumanizing.  Putting people into groups and such — but then again, you all probably do it on Facebook…! [Shameless self-promotion: See my Daily Trojan article on Quantifying Friends for more details (though I can’t guarantee I agree with everything written there since these things get heavily edited)]

I, however, am not advocating gold-digging — by no means!  But I am raising this question: What are you investing in?  Saying that career is extremely important, and a stable income is a necessary for a fulfilling life, there is likely a good deal of truth found there.  Indeed more money means more means to change things, career can elevate a person to a position of considerable influence, etc. etc. etc.

But think about this too:  Friends.  Family.  People.  The people that influence you most could be, but are more than likely not, simply people with worldly “influence”.  Thinking back on the people that have influenced me, I see people that, in a snapshot of planet earth as a whole, seem to have negligible influence (as opposed to someone like Barack Obama, or Rebecca Black (jk, or not?!))

Its oftentimes far easier to empathize with a person that has gone through (or is going through) similar struggles.  Whether that be a particular stage in life, a shared difficult teacher or boss, etc. etc.  So enduring the pain of pre-med may be the foundation that begins a long and fruitful relationship between a number of people.  Likewise, overcoming drug addiction, or Maple Story addiction can be the starting point of a friendship, and a long lasting tie that binds people together.

This is all fine and dandy, because it seems to justify any type of behavior as being used to “better connect with people”.  I would have to agree with that for the most part.  But of course that also brings up questions of what types of principles are being cultivated in a relationship with people.  But that too, is another discussion for another time.

So I mentioned “stumbling blocks” in the first paragraph of this post.  By that I mean something that obstructs from the ultimate objective.  When I said potential, I meant that for the reasons mentioned above — that practically any activity can be a starting point for connections between people, which are ultimately going to be the most important aspects of a person’s life.  But practical things, or as I like to complain about sometimes, logistical crap, need not and should not be the ending point of one’s thinking. 

So I leave this disorganized post with some things to consider, which I will enumerate nicely here, in hopes that even if you kind souls did not take the time to read this entire post, you may consider:

1. What is important, and how do your actions reveal that this is indeed important?

2. What does it mean for something to be “practical”, and how does that coincide with what is “important”?

3. Do all people ultimately think the same things are important?

Montaigne is awesome-possum:

Cum relego, scripsisse pudet, quia plurima cerno, Me quoque qui feci judice, digna lini.

When I read it over, I am ashamed to have written it, because even I who wrote it judge it worth erasing.

It is quiet

when we choose not to hear.

Sundial is running out of batteries

and you can’t change them when they run out.